And now for something completely different: what you missed by not going to Vintage Computer Festival West XI

With the exception of this man,

you all missed out by not coming to the reincarnated Vintage Computer Festival West. You had a chance to meet me and my beloved Tomy Tutor (which you can emulate on a Power Mac or Intel Mac). You had a chance to see other inferior exhibits. You didn't. So let me now make you feel bad about what you missed out on.

You could have seen the other great exhibits at the Computer History Museum,

the complete Tomy Tutor family, hosted by my lovely wife and me

that corrupted young minds from a very early age

(for which I won a special award for Most Complete and 2nd place overall in the Microcomputer category),

seen a really big MOS 6502 recreation,

played Maze War,

solved differential equations the old fashioned way,

realized that in Soviet Russia computer uses you,

given yourself terrible eyestrain,

used a very credible MacPaint clone on a Tandy Color Computer,

messed with Steve Chamberlain's mind,

played with an unusual Un*x workstation powered by the similarly unusual (and architecturally troublesome) Intel i860,

marveled at the very first Amiga 1000 (serial #1),

attempted to steal an Apple I,

snuck onto Infinite Loop on the way back south,

and got hustled off by Apple security for plastering "Ready for PowerPC upgrade" stickers all over the MacBooks in the company store.

But you didn't. And now it's too late.^*

^*Well, you could always come next year.